"Dream state" synopsis

Shelli Wengart is a very purposeful girl. She knows exactly how her life must be. Active in school and excelling in her studies, she inherited her father's musical talent and her mother's love of art. In everything she attempts, she excels. Curious Shelli wonders about so many things and always wants to know “why?”. Even at an early age, at about 7, she loved to make up stories about imagined traits of everyone she knew, especially her family. 

She was named after her dad, Herschel, and was definitely daddy's little girl. There was humor and playfulness among her sister, three brothers and her. Josie, the oldest, had the heart of a poet. She read a lot on every subject, but especially romance novels. Her dream was to become an author or a high school counselor like Mrs. Hogan whom she admired, and Josie loved her way with students. Ryan the second born was the true athlete. Handsome, charming, built like a Marine Sergeant, always turned girls’ heads when he walked into a room. Self-assured, yet he was kind and down to earth, helping anyone in need. His dream was to become a firefighter. 

Shelli was the middle child looking up to Josie and Ryan yet admired by her two younger brothers whom she watched over and advised, both Marcus and Dillan. Next in line was Marcus, or Marky, as the rest of the kids nicknamed him. He loved animals, playing with and caring for the animals on his grandparent's farm. He dreamed of becoming a veterinarian someday. Last of all the kids was Dillan. As a little boy, he liked to play little jokes on his siblings and parents. Every day was April 1st for him! He had a passion for Legos and would spend hours creating all kinds of machines, buildings, and little people. There was the makings of a contractor, engineer or architect. He would go with his dad to the construction sites and would imagine how he would design the houses that were built on his father's properties.

Managing the activities and interests of her children and her husband was Margana Wengart, a kind of supermom and loving and supportive wife to Herschel. There was much loving and affection all throughout the family and the kids were encouraged to find their own passion and someday their own fulfilled life. All had a deep love for God and lived out the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, but not all at once. Each one specialized in one or two of these virtues. Theirs was a life worth living. Dad was successful in his Construction and Land Management company, creating many upscale semi-custom home communities throughout Winthur's Gardens in Bozeman MT. 

Danish settlers came there in the mid 1800s to Big Sky country as they loved to call it. They were farmers, ranchers, merchants, educators, and devout believers in Jesus Christ, living their lives after Christ’s teaching, and instructing their children about loving, respecting, and honoring their parents and ancestors.

This is the story about Shelli's dreams, or rather nightmares, that began about the age of 10 years old. Life was wonderful and the Wengart family knew and loved all their neighbors in their community of multicultural families. There was always something to celebrate: Snow men, Valentine's Day, St Patty's Day, Easter or Resurrection Day, Memorial Day, graduation and weddings, Independence Day, summer vacation, start of school, fall activities, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas, and New Year’s Day. Every celebration was enjoyed by all, complete with potlucks and shared dinners at friends’ homes, fall and winter holidays with the family around the table, and a zillion fancy birthday parties, even the bittersweet joy of the memorial services of the elders, and ensuing wake dinner in celebration of their full lives. 

But sometimes, just after those celebrations, Shelli would wake up suddenly late at night from a disturbing dream or a nightmare or night terror. In these dreams there was a very different reality where life went all wrong. People experienced heartache, loss, divorce, death at a young age, breakups, brides left at the altar, losing jobs, sibling estrangement, feuds between neighbors, undiagnosed mental illness, fist fights between father and son, children running away from home, distraught mothers having breakdowns and deserting their children, chronic illness, cancer, blindness, war, civil unrest, miscarriage, and on and on. This seemed to parallel the beauty of Shelli's life with the ugliness of her dreams.

 Just after her 12th birthday, Josie suggested to Shelli to start writing down these dreams in a journal. Shelli didn't tell her parents yet until she was 15 years old. It was a secret kept between her and Josie. Josie said, “Write it all down to get them out of your head so that you can release them as imaginative stories that happened to another girl”. Well, since Shelli had such a curiosity about world events and things she saw on TV and read in newspapers and in books, her parents chalked it up to an overactive imagination. So Shelli continued journaling for the rest of her life from 5th grade, in middle school, through high school, university, and throughout her adult life. She got so used to these dreams that she considered it a gift from God to keep her down to earth, compassionate, and empathetic toward others’ misfortunes. 

Two or three filled journals led to a bookcase or two, then an entire wall, floor to ceiling, dated in chronological order and on through her life; through her marriage to Nick Dern, the birth and care of four children, and watching her children grow up and have children of their own. She was always a stay-at-home mom while her kids were in school, and began writing articles for their local newspaper, the Winthur’s Gardens “Sun”, to be there for her family's activities and Sunday dinners as always. Then, at retirement she decided it was time to write a series of novels about her actual and dream lives. She spent several years shaping her stories and taking creative writing classes at her local university, going on to get masters and doctorate degrees in journalism and psychology. Well into her second career she kept writing and turned out a series of 12 novels about her experiences in her real life and dreams but didn't publish them yet. 

All throughout those dreams she discovered that much of the heartaches she dreamed about was due to a mental illness called bipolar disorder. Her dream girl always suffered all the tragic symptoms of this treacherous disorder. Shelli asked herself how could this woman do all those terrible, sinful things and seem to be out of control all her life? Shelli started researching bipolar disorder, formerly referred as manic-depressive disorder, and looked upon as a shameful family secret. She became a supportive friend to that dream girl, Dorothy Grantham, and analyzed her actions, thought processes, and the motivations, creating a solution and different way to manage this mental illness. 

Shelli sought out others in real life who suffered as well, interviewed them, and wrote articles for the Winter's Gardens “Sun”. Soon her articles were carried nationwide and book agents and publishers started asking if she had considered writing a book about her dreams. Shelli told them she had already done that, and, after much prayer and consulting with her family, decided to turn them over to a Christian publishing House. Shelli ended up with the best selling novel and became a very wealthy and famous author in her own right. Her progeny loved her for sharing her life with them. 

This story was about a woman whose life was like the dreams, and the woman dreamed about the life that Shelli had enjoyed. She searched for a way to reinvent her terrible past, and, in it's place, forever remember the events in Shelli's life. This has become a way to heal and recreate a happy, peaceful life for her remining years.

Dear Reader: 

That woman was Marcia Saung, this author. At 80 years old, going on 50, I wrote this novel about elements of my life with bipolar disorder, and soon I realized I also suffered from narcissistic personality disorder. All the decisions I made, the tragic mistakes that I made, the lives I wrecked, my feelings of worthlessness, being out of control, lack of financial planning for my future retirement, so many other unforeseen consequences, anger, resentment, sorrow, regret, jealousy, are all those traits that are far from the fruit of the Spirit mentioned before. After living through it, diagnosed in 2000, researching and developing a method of coping with it, I have reached a point in my life where I am at peace with my life, however screwed up it was. I realize that God in his Sovereign wisdom knew exactly how my life would go. His Spirit within me brought about this realization to create the kind of woman God intended me to be. Yes, even after all these years, the lessons I have learned, two bachelor's degrees, one master's degree, seven careers, creating an alterations company, and living in the beautiful state of Montana, I find in my move to northern Arizona, life is ideal for me now and no longer that perfect dream I once wished for. Perhaps my own life might mirror that famous wealthy authoress. It's my dream that it does.